You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
