i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cat gives me a boner
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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