This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize