You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
