I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
