Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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