She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
