i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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