I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
soo... how was my night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
