I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
