We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
