hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
