I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
