i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
