I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
