i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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