But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
