Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
