What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
