He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
