the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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