My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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