Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
