On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize