im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize