I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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