i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
