thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Come on in and take your pants off
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