The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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