remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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