He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
