I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
