I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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