Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
