We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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