So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've blown a few things in my day
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
