I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
