How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
