I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm jealous of your bromance
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
