And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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