Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
