and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
