We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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