I'm so fucking centered right now
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
