the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
