i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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