he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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