he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
