yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
