you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
