Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
