i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
