we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
