we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
