Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
