Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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