I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
