dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
