that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
