Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it hurts more in the daytime
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
