Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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