you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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