Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize