I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
