I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize