they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize