my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
