why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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