New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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