and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
