is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
