just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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