When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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