If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
