You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
