who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
