I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
