you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Come on in and take your pants off
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