i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
