best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
