do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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