eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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