She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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