Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
