I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
