weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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