I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
