I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
